Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Daily Conspiracy: The News

Welcome to the news... WOOGA BOOGA!
In today's headlines! ... PANDEMICS! FEAR! DEATH! WAR! HATE!

EVIL MUSLIMS! IRAN IS DANGEROUS! (ignore the western atrocities)

DID WE MENTION TERRORISTS YET?! TERRORISTS!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAH!

GOOD THING YOUR GOVERNMENT HAS THE SOLUTION! OH YAY! PRAISE OUR LEADERS! (The very bestest terrorists!)

IRAN IS ACQUIRING NUCLEAR CAPABILITIES! (IGNORE THE AMERICANS & BRITISH NEW NUCLEAR WEAPON)

BUSH AND BLAIR ARE MEN OF FAITH (the nuclear kind!)

ARABS HAVE THE WRONG KIND OF FAITH AND DESTROYED THE WTC TOWERS (nevermind the pages of evidence that incriminate the bush admin.)

A TRUCK TIPPED OVER TODAY WITH CHEMICAL DEATH SPREADING EVERYWHERE! BE AFRAID!!!!!!!

ANOTHER FOREST WILL BE DESTROYED FOR OUR ADVANCEMENT! WE ARE SO ADVANCED!!!

BUT BTW ISN'T IT WONDERFUL TO LIVE IN DEMOCRACY, I MEAN HOW FREE ARE YOU?! WHOOO! WHOOO!!!

*insert random community piece nobody gives a fuck about*

and now sports... bla bla steroids bla bla bribes bla bla...

Ok that's it slaves, please stay tuned for even more retarded crap!

WESTERN MAINSTREAM 'JOURNALISM'
IS DEAD!

If you don't chuckle at least 10 times during ANY news broadcast it's time to WAKE UP!

"When the bio-survival circuit flashes danger, all other mental activity ceases."
Robert Anton Wilson

Objective Journalism is a myth:
Firstly the Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle of Quantum physics states that you can't leave the observer out of the observation. A story is filtered through an individual consciousness, which frames the piece, evaluates information, tries to gain interviews with those subjects unwilling to give information and attempts to finish the work by deadline under difficult conditions.

"Why bother with newspapers, if this is all they offer? Agnew was right. The press is a gang of cruel faggots. Journalism is not a profession or a trade. It is a cheap catch-all for fuckoffs and misfits - a false doorway to the backside of life, a filthy piss-ridden little hole nailed off by the building inspector, but just deep enough for a wino to curl up from the sidewalk and masturbate like a chimp in a zoo-cage."
Hunter S. Thompson

The Nazis used to call propaganda by its name, now the western world shamelessly calls it journalism.

"Everytime I read the news, I'm always more confused.
They're telling me to choose, but there's only lies to choose from."
Michael Franti

"Our job is to give people not what they want, but what we decide they ought to have."
Richard Salent, Former President CBS News

Jon Stewart knows the news is controlled by a few companies and that it's one big meme-pushing farce, every daily show viewer knows, it's only gonna take them a few more years to realize it... Cause they wouldn't wanna be labeled anything related to conspiracy now would they!

Streaming Vids





2 comments:

Andrea Runyan said...

haha i love this post. You have me smiling out loud here at the library.

I like the tone, the parts about arabs having the "wrong kind of faith," everything....

I really like your aside about how people will go along with the news because they don't want to be associated with anything conspiracy-related.

How does that happen? How do there come to be such bad associations with any "conspiracy" theory, when conspiracy/manipulation/collusion is accepted and documented and happens all the time?

The cartoons at the end are perfect. Liquids on a plane, ha ;-)

I wrote a long facebook note about the liquids-on-planes rule (and how the supposed triggering incident was probably fabricated), but it's gone. I wonder if it was taken down.

wise woman said...

Great - loved the cartoons!